made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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