I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
