She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
