I didn't shave. On purpose
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
