i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So apparently I’m into choking now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
