lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
