Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
