walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
