Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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