i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
