I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
