Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
