You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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