The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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