im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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