i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
