I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
