Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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