I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
