dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
