my mouth tastes like poor choices
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
