if i died would you start the facebook group?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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