so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
