found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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