new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
