so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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