So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
