If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
