It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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