My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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