Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
