My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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