i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
