I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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