her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
