You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
