the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My ass is underappreciated
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
