bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Pants are for mortals
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
