This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
