Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
