Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i now understand why vodka
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
