Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
