You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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