I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
