I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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