U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This baby is an asshole
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
