hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
