party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
