Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
