Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
