he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
